What's your question?
I just got diagnosed with autism and I'm worried people will treat me differently once I tell them or worse, not believe me. I'm high functioning on the spectrum and don't fit into the autistic stereotype. I don't want to hide this big part of me from the people I'm close and I want them to know so they can help me with my diagnosis but I'm scared they won't take it well. Help?
Dear Anonymous Autistic,
Please understand that you are a person with autism, not autistic. Autism doesn't define who you are as a person. You need to remember you are the same person that you were before your diagnosis. As far as telling people, I think you could just ease into it and show them that you’re the same person you were. It might take some time to show that or for them to realize that, but if they are true friends, they will love you regardless, and they will accept you. It might be hard for a little bit with them, but if you don’t act different, why would they? It might take time for them to realize that, but all you need to do is be patient and remember you are loved.
What is your question?
Dear Mr. Bobcat, I really have been wanting to be a better person, do you have any tips on that?
Dear Better Person,
The first thing to be a better person is to ask yourself some questions. Like what is your end goal? And why do you not feel like a good person? Now choose your motivation. Do you want to be a better person so you can be popular? Or maybe you want to end starvation. As long as you have that end goal in mind then you will continue towards that final goal. One more thing: be selfless! The more you do that, more people will turn to you.
What's your question?
So me and this boy like each other, and we can talk over text, but we have a hard time talking face to face. And our friends make it weird in between us.
You should try calling and actually meeting up outside of school (where your friends or his friends can't make it weird) and just having a normal conversation with him. Try to get to know him! You could ask him if he wants to meet up after school or on Saturday, and if he says “yes” or a form of “yes,” then you could have a picnic at Smith Park or go to K’Lanis and just hang out. Good luck!
What's your question?
I just feel so alone. A lot of people know me because of the position I have in school, and every adult tells me I'm an excellent young woman, but no one understands me. I had this one friend in 7th grade and me and him were super close but then he moved. Then I had this guy friend, and we liked each other, but then he stopped talking to me. Was it my fault? What should I do? I feel like I've made so many terrible mistakes. How can I feel happy again? I've tried everything to talk to him, but he doesn't say much. I just wish I knew why we grew so distant when we would talk about a lot of deep things. I feel so alone when I'm surrounded by people. Please help!
It sounds like you have a couple different problems here. Let's break it down:
First off, the end of a relationship is often not the fault of only one person. There are so many factors in these types of things that it doesn't do much good to try to pinpoint each one and try to fix it. Instead, continue trying to talk to him and be friendly. Realize that when people become "more than friends" and try to get things back to "normal," it simply doesn't work that way; however, this can make your relationship stronger. Try talking to him, being completely honest. Communication can work wonders. Do everything you can to be a good friend to him, and if he continues to push you away, try strengthening other friendships and spending time with those who truly care about you.
Secondly, you are definitely not the only one who feels this way about your life. Try as we might, we cannot understand exactly what someone is going through. It's exhausting to keep up an image all the time, or have multiple for different situations. Instead of stressing yourself out, use the classic advice: BE YOURSELF. If people think you're an exceptional young lady, it's for a reason -- and that's not part of the person you feel like you're expected to be. Expectations are hard to keep up with, so put simply, don't try to. Making mistakes is something everyone does, whether they are visible or not. And comparing yourself to others doesn't do anything, anyway. Contrary to what a lot of people believe, self-esteem does not come from outward approval. Be okay with yourself first, and talk to your situation about someone you trust. No matter how hard it is, you will feel better afterwards, and not so alone. That being said, don't expect to feel better right away. Happiness isn't something you just get; it's something you gain.
Be open and honest, be patient, and, overall, just be you.
What's your question?
I have flocks of chickens invading my backyard, but only on Wednesdays. I've tried to follow them to their hideout, but I can't seem to find it anywhere. Whenever I try to kick them out, they attack me with their little beaks, like daggers. I don't know who they are and where they come from. This just adds to the pile of things I'm confused about. How do I deal with these aggressive flocks?
Dear Crowded, get out of dodge. I’ve been in this situation before. Skip town. Make sure you don’t injure any of these chickens, or they will mob you. There will be an entire swarm above your head, attacking you and coming out of nowhere. While making your exodus, make sure to leave a burnt offering to these fowl. It will appease them for time. Could be a month, could be a year. One thing’s for sure. Your life has forever shifted. These chickens are your god now. Pray they favor you. The only other strategy that has ever worked for anyone is scorched earth. Set an ambush, douse your yard in gasoline and when the time comes KABOOM! They never bother you again. This is more risky though, if you don’t get all of them aforementioned swarming will happen, and your life will suck forever. A gulag would be Eden compared to it. Pray it goes well.
What's your question?
I have this really close friend that I was friends with since elementary school, but she started ignoring me because of several things I said, and I've told her I'm sorry and I'd try to do better, but she still won't talk to me like normal. Its really awkward sense we're stand partners and every time I try to say hi to her in the hallway she walks faster. I really miss her, and I fall apart without her conversation and advice, and she makes me a better person. I really want us to be friends again, but she won't let us.
This is a rough situation. Friendships can be super difficult, especially around this age. Overall, try to feel out the situation. Try different things, and if something isn't doing anything or making the situation worse, try something else. You have a few different options:
1. Give her space. A lot of times, all a person needs is some time to cool down. Hurtful words sometimes don't seem so bad after some time passes. That being said, don't completely let her go. The less time you spend together, the more you'll grow apart, which leads us to your next option:
2. Talk it out. Communication is one of the most important things in any relationship, and lack of it often leads to problems. Find a way to reach out to her effectively, in a way that you will really listen to each other. Let her know you understand it will take time for her to forgive you. Tell her you're sorry, but also tell her you feel hurt that she's not talking to you. Honesty, in this case, might really be the best policy.
3. Finally, show her how much she means to you. Let her know that she makes you a better person, and that you miss her. Give her something that shows how well you know her, or simply find a time and place to tell her how great you think she is.
There isn't a perfect solution with these types of things, so make sure to feel things out. Things will take time to get back to normal, but if she's as good of a friend as you say, things will be okay.
I have a friend and he told a guy that I called him cute.. and I'm not saying that he's not! It's just that I don't like the guy. So now things have been really awkward with my guy friend and every time I talk to him I only think about what he told the other guy. I really don't want to think about that one time, but I do. Then, with the other guy I was starting to be friends with, I don't know what to do.
To me, it sounds like you have two problems. One that you are mad at your friend. Two that it is awkward around that boy. I will address both problems.
For the first problem: You should be honest with your guy friend, have a conversation and tell him that you are mad that he betrayed your trust. Just remember to talk through it and then let it go.
For the second problem: You should be up front and honest with the guy. It's only weird if you make it weird. Just relax and tell him you think he's cute but you don't have a crush on him. Try to be casual so you don't make him think you're lying or covering something up. Finally, just remember that you will move on. You might not even remember this in a few months.
Good Luck! And remember just be honest!
I have a very active love life, but my friend doesn't and he's lonely, I've tried to find him someone but to no avail, what should I do, Ignore it or Find him, someone?
Dear lonely lover,
That's a great question! I am glad that you are trying to help your friend. That's awesome! So first I would think about does he have friends? Because he might just be cool with having friends. Maybe he doesn't want a girlfriend. I think the best way you can help your friend is to see if he does want a girlfriend or he just likes hanging out with his friends. If he does want a girlfriend maybe ask him how you can help. He might want you to help him or he might want you to just be there for him and tell him you are there if he needs help. Just remember that it is okay to not have a girlfriend or a boyfriend right now. After all, we are only in junior high, so the best thing that you can do is to just talk to him to see how he is feeling about it and then help if you can. Thanks for asking such a great question!
What's your question?
My parents were divorced like 8 years ago, and I had to go to my dad's, but he is not a nice person. I told him why I didn't want to go, and he asked me every day, Why do you not want to be here?
Before anything, you need to know: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. There are so many reasons and complications with divorce, but the child is never one of them. However, the situation won't change overnight, so try these ideas to gradually improve your relationship with your dad:
1. If he's asking why you don't want to be there, you could just...tell him. As scary as that sounds, as long as you use statements that have to do with you ("It makes me..." or "I feel...") instead of accusing him, it should go over more smoothly. When people are being "attacked" (even if it's worded in the nicest way possible,) their automatic response is to get defensive, and that never leads anywhere. Stay calm, express your concerns, but don't get caught up in the blame game.
2. Turn to a different adult. While friends are super important, and you should definitely lean on them, talking to someone with more experience can help you feel a lot better. It could be your grandparents, a church leader or coach, or even the school counselors.
3. Have a place where you can go to be alone. Everyone needs to get away from the stress of life sometimes, and that's okay! It will help you feel more comfortable if there's a place you can go to if things start to become too hectic.
No matter what happens, find support from people you care about, and know that this situation won't last forever (even if it seems that way.) Try to talk it out calmly, and most importantly, remember that you are not the cause of your current situation. Stay hopeful!
What's your question?
So I always hung out with the same friend group, but none of them felt like a true friend. I have always wanted that one friend I could tell my secrets to small stuff like that. I get really jealous of everyone hanging out in the hall ways and cute pics that people make, so what do I do?
I think every teenager has experienced this at some point, so let me just say, you are not alone. Feeling like everyone has better friends and more fun than you is a feeling many people know, but most of the time, that is not true. Every friend group has their flaws and insecurities, whether it’s apparent or not. That’s the hard thing about social media in this day and age--it always seems like everyone has a better life than you. It sets unrealistic expectations about life and friendship. If this mindset is holding you back from truly getting to know and appreciate the friends you have, I advise you to do that. Who knows--you may find the joy you’re looking for in the friends you already have. But if you genuinely feel like you’re not happy or don’t connect with your friends, my advice would be to put yourself out there, talk to people you don’t normally talk to, join clubs or social organizations that will help you meet new people, and hopefully find the people you’re looking for. Overall, just give it time, I can promise you that you will find your people, but the universe may just be holding them back until they can enter your life. Of course, that’s just my perspective. Good luck!