​What's your question?
I have this really close friend that I was friends with since elementary school, but she started ignoring me because of several things I said, and I've told her I'm sorry and I'd try to do better, but she still won't talk to me like normal. Its really awkward sense we're stand partners and every time I try to say hi to her in the hallway she walks faster. I really miss her, and I fall apart without her conversation and advice, and she makes me a better person. I really want us to be friends again, but she won't let us.

Answer:
This is a rough situation. Friendships can be super difficult, especially around this age. Overall, try to feel out the situation. Try different things, and if something isn't doing anything or making the situation worse, try something else. You have a few different options:
1. Give her space. A lot of times, all a person needs is some time to cool down. Hurtful words sometimes don't seem so bad after some time passes. That being said, don't completely let her go. The less time you spend together, the more you'll grow apart, which leads us to your next option:
2. Talk it out. Communication is one of the most important things in any relationship, and lack of it often leads to problems. Find a way to reach out to her effectively, in a way that you will really listen to each other. Let her know you understand it will take time for her to forgive you. Tell her you're sorry, but also tell her you feel hurt that she's not talking to you. Honesty, in this case, might really be the best policy.
3. Finally, show her how much she means to you. Let her know that she makes you a better person, and that you miss her. Give her something that shows how well you know her, or simply find a time and place to tell her how great you think she is.
There isn't a perfect solution with these types of things, so make sure to feel things out. Things will take time to get back to normal, but if she's as good of a friend as you say, things will be okay.​

​Question:
I have a friend and he told a guy that I called him cute.. and I'm not saying that he's not! It's just that I don't like the guy. So now things have been really awkward with my guy friend and every time I talk to him I only think about what he told the other guy. I really don't want to think about that one time, but I do. Then, with the other guy I was starting to be friends with, I don't know what to do.
Answer:
To me, it sounds like you have two problems. One that you are mad at your friend. Two that it is awkward around that boy. I will address both problems.
For the first problem: You should be honest with your guy friend, have a conversation and tell him that you are mad that he betrayed your trust. Just remember to talk through it and then let it go.
For the second problem: You should be up front and honest with the guy. It's only weird if you make it weird. Just relax and tell him you think he's cute but you don't have a crush on him. Try to be casual so you don't make him think you're lying or covering something up. Finally, just remember that you will move on. You might not even remember this in a few months. 
Good Luck! And remember just be honest!
Sincerely,
​Mr. Bobcat

QUESTION:
I have a very active love life, but my friend doesn't and he's lonely, I've tried to find him someone but to no avail, what should I do, Ignore it or Find him, someone?
ANSWER
Dear lonely lover,
That's a great question! I am glad that you are trying to help your friend. That's awesome! So first I would think about does he have friends? Because he might just be cool with having friends. Maybe he doesn't want a girlfriend. I think the best way you can help your friend is to see if he does want a girlfriend or he just likes hanging out with his friends. If he does want a girlfriend maybe ask him how you can help. He might want you to help him or he might want you to just be there for him and tell him you are there if he needs help. Just remember that it is okay to not have a girlfriend or a boyfriend right now. After all, we are only in junior high, so the best thing that you can do is to just talk to him to see how he is feeling about it and then help if you can. Thanks for asking such a great question!

Sincerely,
Mr. Bobcat

What's your question?
My parents were divorced like 8 years ago, and I had to go to my dad's, but he is not a nice person. I told him why I didn't want to go, and he asked me every day, Why do you not want to be here?

Mr. Bobcat:
Before anything, you need to know: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. There are so many reasons and complications with divorce, but the child is never one of them. However, the situation won't change overnight, so try these ideas to gradually improve your relationship with your dad:

1. If he's asking why you don't want to be there, you could just...tell him. As scary as that sounds, as long as you use statements that have to do with you ("It makes me..." or "I feel...") instead of accusing him, it should go over more smoothly. When people are being "attacked" (even if it's worded in the nicest way possible,) their automatic response is to get defensive, and that never leads anywhere. Stay calm, express your concerns, but don't get caught up in the blame game.

2. Turn to a different adult. While friends are super important, and you should definitely lean on them, talking to someone with more experience can help you feel a lot better. It could be your grandparents, a church leader or coach, or even the school counselors. 

3. Have a place where you can go to be alone. Everyone needs to get away from the stress of life sometimes, and that's okay! It will help you feel more comfortable if there's a place you can go to if things start to become too hectic.
​
No matter what happens, find support from people you care about, and know that this situation won't last forever (even if it seems that way.) Try to talk it out calmly, and most importantly, remember that you are not the cause of your current situation. Stay hopeful!

What's your question?
So I always hung out with the same friend group, but none of them felt like a true friend. I have always wanted that one friend I could tell my secrets to small stuff like that. I get really jealous of everyone hanging out in the hall ways and cute pics that people make, so what do I do?

Mr. Bobcat:
I think every teenager has experienced this at some point, so let me just say, you are not alone. Feeling like everyone has better friends and more fun than you is a feeling many people know, but most of the time, that is not true. Every friend group has their flaws and insecurities, whether it’s apparent or not. That’s the hard thing about social media in this day and age--it always seems like everyone has a better life than you. It sets unrealistic expectations about life and friendship. If this mindset is holding you back from truly getting to know and appreciate the friends you have, I advise you to do that. Who knows--you may find the joy you’re looking for in the friends you already have. But if you genuinely feel like you’re not happy or don’t connect with your friends, my advice would be to put yourself out there, talk to people you don’t normally talk to, join clubs or social organizations that will help you meet new people, and hopefully find the people you’re looking for. Overall, just give it time, I can promise you that you will find your people, but the universe may just be holding them back until they can enter your life. Of course, that’s just my perspective. Good luck!

What's your question?
I have a couple friends that I eat lunch with and I'm the tallest one there. I feel uncomfortable when I tower over them. Should I slouch or straiten up? Do I tell my friends that I feel awkward?

Mr. Bobcat:
Dear Towering,

Above all else, stand tall! Many people your age probably envy your height! Your friends like you for your personality. It doesn't matter what height you are; as long as you are a good friend to others, you don't have to try to hide your height.
​
Your friends probably know you feel awkward -- they might be feeling a little tension too. But you can't control your height, so telling your friends won't solve the problem of them being shorter than you. On the other hand, getting something off your chest can feel really good, and could help everyone feel a bit more comfortable knowing they aren't the only ones feeling a little different. Ultimately, it's up to you. Just remember: act natural, and stand tall!

What's your question?
I have a friend I've known since second grade. Sometime in 5th or 6th grade I had a crush on them and told them. Ever since then it's been hard to be friends and have it not be awkward especially when our friends tease us. To make matters worse they are being homeschooled because of Covid, and we can only talk through online messaging. Every conversation is back and forth small talk like we are strangers. What should I do?

Mr. Bobcat:
Dear Drifting, 
We’ve all been in the situation before: a friend becomes more than a friend, and then less of a friend, and in the immortal words of Tony Rydinger, “It’s just… awkward.” It’s a tough spot to be in, I tell you what. The best advice I can give you is to go back to square one. Back to basics, kiddo. You don’t have to try to repair that old relationship; instead, treat them like any other friend. Try to remember why you’ve been friends since second grade. If they’re staying home all the time, they’re probably bored out of their minds! You could send them a weird survey or a fun story you heard - just something to get the conversation ball rolling. Be friendly and natural. But finally, and most importantly, every relationship will go through a little lag once in a while. Just trust in the process of friendship and don’t stress. Everything will almost definitely come around to the way it was before.
Good luck!

What's your question?
My friend used to date this guy in our friend group but broke up with him a couple of months ago, and I suspected he liked me while they were dating, and he started flirting with me again. But when my friend realized he was flirting with me, she seemed kinda upset but acted like she was fine. But the thing is I think I like him too and idk what to do.

Mr. Bobcat:
Hey there!
Let's start with the obvious question: How does your friend feel about this? Is she okay with you dating this guy? I would talk to her first, find out if she’s cool with it. Ask her if she's okay with you dating him, and if she says “no”, then are you willing to ruin a friendship over a boy? 

Second thing to look at is: Why was this guy flirting with you while he was in a relationship? That doesn’t seem very loyal. If you're looking for a guy, find someone you can trust and you know has a good track record with relationships. Also, you probably will want to know if he likes you back; there’s nothing more embarrassing than telling a guy you’ve got feelings for him and finding out he doesn’t feel the same way. Ask him how he feels about you or ask a friend to find out. 

The third item to look at is that your friend doesn’t think you should go out with this boy. She probably knows more about him and his dating styles. She may be worried that he’ll hurt you. 

The last thing to look at is if you really have feelings for this person. Some people think they like someone but really just like the idea of someone liking them. Find out if you really do want to date this person. And remember that the most important thing is if you're okay with this relationship; you're not just dating him because you feel obligated to by peer pressure or pity for this boy. 
​
Remember you are in junior high, and this relationship probably won't last forever. It's good to look around and find what you like, but if you don’t think it’s a good idea to date this person then don’t; you do you! Be safe and have fun!

-Mr. Bobcat

What's your question?
I hate math, but love my teacher what should I do? 

Mr. Bobcat:
Like the common phrase goes, love the person, hate the sin!

All joking aside, most teachers realize that the majority of students don't dream of science worksheets, devour literary classics, or look forward to presenting a current event. In fact, teachers understand that they are weird for loving their content area so much! So while you may hate math, it is still important to expand your mind by learning new things--even if those new things are related to PEMDAS or fractions. So continue loving your teacher, but work hard on your math along the way. 

What's your question?
What's the best way to get rid of nerves during an audition?

Mr. Bobcat:
That is an awesome question! There are many ways to get rid of nerves, and it's different for each person, so I'll give you a couple different options:
1) Remember that if you don't do as well as you hoped, nobody's going to remember it at your highschool reunion in forty years. They're not going to be gossiping about things that happened so long ago. They'll probably just be catching up with each other. (It has been forty years after all.)
2) Try to get lost in the moment. Let yourself really feel what you are doing. 
3) Be the character that you're auditioning for! Don't be yourself, as weird as that sounds. Be whoever you're auditioning for. It will be so much easier because you're not YOU -  you're Gossip Lady, or Alice from Alice In Wonderland! Good Luck! And don't forget to have fun!