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So, I have an eating disorder. I will not eat food unless my friends and/or parents make me eat. I don’t eat because I am fat. People try to tell me I’m not but I know they’re lying. I want to just be normal and not have to worry about weight or how people see me or what they think of me, but I can’t not worry. It’s really hard. I also struggle with self-image and seriously hating myself, and I have since like fifth grade. I haven’t seriously struggled with depression a lot this year, but it is definitely a part of my past. I really just want to be normal. Not a lot of people know these things about me because I put on a mask, and I’ve gotten really good at hiding the things that happen in my life and to other people. I have the perfect life. I have a boyfriend, I'm a dancer, I can sing, I have lots of friends, and to other people I’m that girl who’s always happy and always knows what to say and gives good advice and all that stuff, and people always tell me I’m beautiful and stuff. I really want to believe them, but I can’t. People would say I’m popular, and I know for a fact that if anyone who knows me well, reads this they’ll know who I am, but people who don’t really know me would guess me as the last person for this to be. I really just needed to get this off my chest and I need some help. How am I supposed to start eating again and how do I accept myself for me and just be happy with myself?
Thank you for having the courage to let all this out. I have a few thoughts that I hope will help. First and foremost, I hope you are seeing a professional that can help you with your eating disorder. That's a big hill to climb, and it's not easy to face it alone. Second, this really comes down to your perception of yourself. It sounds to me like you can't accept compliments from others because you think they are lying. To be able to get past some of these things, you are going to have to learn to like who you are and what you look like. The truth is, there is no such thing as perfect. There is only coming to love who we are. Once we accomplish that, that inner confidence will make everyone around us see us as beautiful. How do you do that? Start with the way that you speak to yourself. I suspect that you automatically follow up any compliments with a negative thought in your head. Try to catch yourself doing that, and change the comments to positive ones. Give yourself the same grace that you would give to any other person.
Please know that the Hope Squad is there to help. Mr. Becraft would be happy to just talk it out anytime you like. The same goes for the counselors and administrators as well. Don't be afraid to reach out. Good luck!