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I have flocks of chickens invading my backyard, but only on Wednesdays. I've tried to follow them to their hideout, but I can't seem to find it anywhere. Whenever I try to kick them out, they attack me with their little beaks, like daggers. I don't know who they are and where they come from. This just adds to the pile of things I'm confused about. How do I deal with these aggressive flocks?
Dear Crowded, get out of dodge. I’ve been in this situation before. Skip town. Make sure you don’t injure any of these chickens, or they will mob you. There will be an entire swarm above your head, attacking you and coming out of nowhere. While making your exodus, make sure to leave a burnt offering to these fowl. It will appease them for time. Could be a month, could be a year. One thing’s for sure. Your life has forever shifted. These chickens are your god now. Pray they favor you. The only other strategy that has ever worked for anyone is scorched earth. Set an ambush, douse your yard in gasoline and when the time comes KABOOM! They never bother you again. This is more risky though, if you don’t get all of them aforementioned swarming will happen, and your life will suck forever. A gulag would be Eden compared to it. Pray it goes well.